August 8th 2008

Article By Paul Monteath, Cabin Boy.

It was a warm summers night and I, the Cabin Boy, went for a run. Taking my football with me, I jogged in and around the cobbled streets of Leith. Upon reaching Ocean Terminal, I decided to kick my ball around on the grassy patch that overlooks the OT car park and Scottish Executive Building simultaneously. As I darted left and right like a young, fit, living, jimmy Johnson, I noticed in the corner of my ‘pitch’ sat several asian males who appeared to be drinking. They were causing no harm and neither was I, so we both continued on our merry way. After 10 minutes of this, the, now boisterous, drinkers were wanting to kick the football around too. I passed over to them and we assumed the ‘passing circle’ formation.

Several drunkenly bad passes later and one particularly lairy lad punted the ball high into the air. As it sailed 10 feet above my new found friends, I realized the ball was destined to reach the murky, dirty, sewage-y waters of leith.

SPLASH!!!

The ball landed in the water and, in slow motion, we all ran Baywatch style to see.

All sorts of thoughts were flashing through my head – would I get my ball back? Where were these guys actually from? And How High is a Chinaman! How Low is his wife!!

I glanced back to see the on rushing pack when I caught in the corner of my eye, the particularly lairy one running with only one shoe on! Whilst continuing to run, he took the other off throwing it over his head, then his jacket, and his jeans until the little man was BUTT NAKED. He sprinted down the slope without slowing…. And then he dived head first into  the sewer…I mean water of leith! I glanced across at the judges – 6.0 5.9 5.9 (he’d be happy with that – I thought).

We all looked on in amazement as he swam around with his white butt popping out – he wasn’t even going towards the ball, he was just having fun.

At one point, the night light came down and shot a ray across the water…the wind dropped and at that moment we were all as one at peace….just then a wellie floated to the top and ruined the moment slightly, but we all knew this ‘mer-man’ was happy.

I turned away half-expecting him to swim off into the sea, but he came too and threw the ball out towards me and his buddies.

We all stood and laughed – the 4 on-looking Asians had all pulled their 18-inch lenses out and took photographs like their lives depended on it!

We realized now that this mer-man was not able to get out of the water – the walls surrounding the sewage-pool were 6 feet high – one drunk noticed a life-ring and threw it to his friend in the water…unfortunately he didn’t hold onto the rope that allows you to pull them in – so it just kinda floated away without helping anyone.

Our merman – who was once swimming around like a little kipper – was now tiring and his head was continuously dropping under the water – he gagged every time he re-surfaced due to the smell of shit that the waters of leith produce! He noticed a burst pipe in the corner, hidden in the undergrowth that falls over the sides of the walls and in a matter of minutes he was out and safe.

Forgetting his exhaustion, my naked asian friend began to jump around in celebration of his adventure.

The attention now turned to me and they ALL wanted photos with me.I relished my new-found rockstar status and smiled away as we had group, couples and individual photos – the naked guy was putting on his clothes in the background! I did receive a few drunken slurs in my ear, but they were not in English, so I had NO idea what they were saying.

I did make out that they were from Vietnam and worked on the Maritime Boat.

I even got to have a photo with their Captain who said “my first time in Scotland – you first Scot I see – I like”

I felt honoured to have done my country, myself, and more importantly, Leith, so proud.

We bowed our fairwells, I took my stinking wet ball, and I jogged home – as I did, looking back to see the maritime crew in the distance stumbling back to their beer.

July 24th 2008

A common misconception is that doing all this hard work to save Leith is withot rewards.  

The Water of Leith can give back to its protectors in ways un-imaginable.  For instance, yesterday Colin, Warrick and Glen were enjoying a gorgeous summer afternoon lunchtime by the river, when floats past a huge Glenfiddich whisky barrel.  Realising the potential rewards, the three extended their lunch hour to fish the large barrel out of the water.  This took great difficulties, but the reward for doing so will be forever, as the barrel now sits in Warrick's garden- a fantastic table with a brilliant story of comradery and and yet another example of how the Water of Leith provides rewards in mysterious ways to its protectors.